this kind of feeling

what happened a few hours ago,...when returning home,...

this kind of feeling is like from description - high,...like drowning in beer, like taking subutex (from the recent newspapers), like taking esctasy (i dunno how to spell this though"

thrilling and exciting,..hiding,..
bleaming,...bleaming and still bleaming,..


leaving you to think of all the outcomes,...be it "good", "bad", "as imagined" 'surprised", "sad",..

but overall,...the process of it is the best feeling,...
the mind just went like a crazy train,...

after the addiction,..comes the downfall

the outcome,...
it is usually as not to wat you have thought,...only beautiful things played in your mind,..reality r often very much of a disappointment,...that is why they say don count the chickens before the eggs hatch

today's outcome,...

a special feeling,..
a negative feeling
but must be treasured,...
cos,...
this should be the kind of feeling
this kind of feeling must be it,..
this degree of negative,...must be it
you can't say sad,...cos this kind of negative comes with a prize,...a prize for the opposite to be positive,..very positive,..
this kind of negative simply puts a frown to your face,..
and leaves you to remind yourself,...
a tear or two might come,..
your heart is flooded,..
but it is not sad,..

some may say,..hurt,..
i dunno,..
how can you choose to hurt yourself,..???

i must remember the outcome i have today,...
so i won't be drenched when the day comes,.
it is good to have this kind of feeling
at least i have it before,..
it might not be so negative the next time round
cos i have it now,..i know i lived on
i'll know i can do the same
the next time round

overall,..i sort of miss this kind of feeling,...this feeling is even better den love,...it leaves you ,...the best of all kinds of feelings,...